Out of the Fire and Into the Fade
by LillyFair
Summary: In Adament a sacrifice had to be made, there was no going around it. Deep in the wooded lands of Tevinter, Solona, the hero of Ferelden, rushes to Skyhold to find some answers and possibly even some more questions. If someone is physically left in the fade do they die, or are they lost and are they lost forever?
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing. Boioware owns all characters and creations.

Out of the Fire and Into the Fade

"Alistair!" she screamed. Solona bolted upright from her sleep and whispered her beloved's name once again. Her hair was soaked and her forehead was dripping with sweat despite the cool temperature of the inn's modest room. She quickly rose from her small bed, poured herself a small glass of whisky and walked over to her window in an attempt to calm her beating heart.

Outside of the small inn lay a courtyard surrounded by the dense Tevinter forest. She had stopped there for a few days to recover from the previous battle. It was still in the very early morning where the sun was just beginning to rise but had yet been able to penetrate the thick branches.

"It was only a dream." She told herself. Even as she spoke the words out loud she knew that it wasn't true. Alistair was in the fade physically. She saw them, all of them. Her beloved Alistair, her cousin Hawke, Varic, and two other mages. The latter she did not know, but assumed that one of them was most likely the newly appointed Inquisitor.

It had been four very long years since she has been in Alistair's presence, and every minute apart has been torture. Four years since she saw that awkward smile of his as he gave her a clumsy compliment, or the quick blush of embarrassment when he had been caught staring at her body. Four never ending years of yearning for the eagerness of his lips and commanding way his hands would manipulate her body in passion.

Seeing him in the fade she ran to him or ran through him would be the more apt expression. She tried to call out to him and embrace him; she even tried a mild thunderbolt spell him to see if it would give her a response but all of efforts proved useless. He couldn't see her. He did not know that she was even there. She watched as they navigated the fade, and went through their trials. Watched as the demon taunted the various party members to give into their desires or instill fear to prevent them from continuing further. She saw the Divine, or what was left of the Divine, guide them through to the rift and that monster block the exit.

Even though Alastair couldn't see her, she stayed by his side through the entire journey. She was prepared with a spell to defend him if he was caught off guard. His unspoken, unknown, silent protector. He was just as handsome as she remembered albeit it his smile did not quite reach his eyes, his sarcasm without it's fire, and he seemed rather tired or lost. It was when the inquisitor had to make the life or death decision that Solona had bolted from her sleep.

She finished her whisky and looked out of the window at the beginning of the new day and released a heavy sigh. Near the table she opened up a letter carrier and pulled a letter from nearly 3 months prior. The pages were well worn showing signs of multiple readings and stained with tears from her many nights alone. She read through the words on the page in his elegant hand as she played with the petals of rose between her fingers.

My Dearest Solona,

I hope my letter finds you well. I have been stationed in Weisshaupt for the time being and have been doing Grey Warden thingys. There really isn't a lot to do when there's no blight. Not that I want a blight or anything but it's so bland...kind of boring even. Warden Commander Clirel has added me to her list for the Warden Fort at Adament so I guess I will be looking forward to travelling…again... I'm not sure that I really want to go, the dust, the wind, the lack of water, being even more miles away from you. It just doesn't appeal to me….Nope..I can't say that I really want to stay here either the wine is always bitter or the cheese is just blah….You know how I am about my cheese.

Do you think anyone would notice if we just ran away? We can go torture Anora and pay a visit to Denirm! You know how much she _loves _it when we pass through Denirm. I think she's jealous of the flowers you get….especially the crown of flowers that little Lady Catherine placed on your head the last time. You didn't see the look that she gave you but she was definitely unhappy. However she's probably envious of your remarkable beauty and how the world adores you.

I miss you my love, and it gets harder every passing day. It's been ages since I have been able to run my fingers through your long blonde curls and cover your lips with my own. My hands yearn to mold your body to mine and I would love nothing more than to have my fingers work your core until you scream my name in ecstasy.

The first thing I'm going to do the next time I see you is tear your clothes from your body and sheath myself into your softness continuously until we both pass out from exhaustion. Everyone else be damned.

Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts especially after the contents of your last letter. I'll have you know, my delightfully devious mage, that I had to take no less than 3 cold dips in the ice lake just to be somewhat comfortable…and then I was confined to bed with sickness for the next two weeks (It might not have been my smartest idea to take the cold dips in the middle of winter.)

Keep writing to me my love, your letters are the only thing that gets me through the day with hopes that the next one will find you in my arms.

As always my heart is yours to command,

_Alistair_

P.S Enclosed is something that I had made special for you to commemorate 10 years since I gave you your first. I can't wait to see you wearing it… and nothing else.

Solona wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and grasped the ruby red rose pendant that hung from her neck. He must have contacted his uncle Arl Eamon to craft the piece of jewelry; Grey Warden keeps are usually devoid of jewelers. She had never owned a fine piece of jewelry and that it was a gift from Alistair made it even more special.

It has been 10 years since the shy stuttering young Alistair comparted her beauty to a red rose in the glow of the campfire light. Upon receiving the gift and her and Alistair's first kiss, she rushed straight to her tent and completed a freezing spell upon the flower to forever preserve its beauty. Whenever she and Alistair were apart she wore the rose in her hair as a symbol that only they, and a few close friends knew. It ended up serving two purposes, her command always knew how to find her and she felt close to him when she would go into battle alone.

Solona paced back and forth in her room trying to decide what to do. Duty told her that she should return to Weisshaupt and report what she had discovered about the cure of the calling, but after her recent trip in the fade she needed to know what happened to Alistair.

Her thoughts continued back to her dream of seeing them fight the demon in the fade. Whom did the Inquisitor choose? Has Alastair already been sacrificed? What has become of him? Of Hawke? As much as she tried she couldn't be angry with the Inquisitor even though she wanted to be. At several points in her own quest she had to make the difficult choice which sometimes ended in someone's death or some other major tragedy. If given the choice who would she have chosen to live Alastair or Hawke? Her heart would have chosen Alistair, but losing her cousin wasn't really a wholesome option either.

Gently putting Alistair's letter back into the pouch with the others, she decided to pack everything up and move out. She removed her long nightshirt another keepsake of Alistair's. At first she wore it because it held his scent and when she slept in it she felt like she was once again lost in his embrace. Now she wore it mostly out of comfort his scent long since washed away over the past few years but it was something of his.

She dressed herself in her imperium style mages robes. They were tightly fitted to her body having a neckline that dipped into deep V in front showing off more of her breasts that she would normally be comfortable with. On more than one occasion she had caught the First Warden, or one of her fellow wardens' gaze fixated on her chest, but as women are in short supply in the warden's she didn't pay it any mind. Alistair however on more than one occasion immediately joined her in conversation or possessively slid his arm around her waist throwing professionalism to the wind and publically claiming her as his.

She could pick other means of clothing but the stealth and the agility advantage that the outfit gave her outweighed the male warden's wandering eyes. She also secretly revealed in seeing Alistair become so possessive and jealous, it was just another reminder to her of how much he loved her.

She washed and fixed her hair and let her blonde curls cascade down her back and then placed her trademark red rose in her hair. She looked in the mirror, made sure that she had all of her belongings and made all preparations to leave.

Gathering up her supplies she slipped on her grey warden cloak, and headed out to her horse and Captain Raymond. She brought a small crew with her into the Tiventer forest and she was glad that they were up and ready to go as well.

"We are prepared for the travel to Weisshaupt Warden Commander." Raymond stated. There was a faraway look in the Solona's eyes before she first looked toward the sea and then towards the mountains, and back again.

"Change of plans Captain Raymond." She ordered mounting her horse Starlight without faltering in her commands.

"We are heading to Skyhold." She declared and set her horse into a fast gallop.

And it begins


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II: The Long Road Home

The march from Adamant back to Skyhold was indeed somber one. They had been victorious, but paid a heavy cost. They defeated Corypheus, or at least temporarily thwarted him, and managed to save the ancient order of the Wardens. The mood was solemn from troops to senior ranking officer even the horses seemed to be clouded by grief. They marched as they were heading to their tombs slowly making their way home.

From his horse Cullen tried to judge the inquisitor state of mind. He was not a hundred percent sure of everything that had happened, but when she came out of the fade, they had one less party member and many eyes were struggling to hold back tears. The battle waged on, the wardens were saved, another wrong was righted and no one seemed happy about it.

They carried the injured wardens who remained loyal, and those who had sworn allegiance to the inquisition tending their wounds as they made their way home. The inquisitor would periodically remove herself from her position on front lines to personally check in on those that had fallen in battle, tend to their wounds, or even use her magic to distribute some warm healing tea.

There were times she showed herself to be a very delicate creature who tended to all those in need and other times she would let you know that she could impale you on her staff without a moment's thought. She seemed lost in herself spending so much time worrying about the others, or running from her own torment thoughts, that she didn't realize she kept wearing herself down.

She looked tired and worn, her eyes betrayed heavy circles that showed signs of restless nights, and unspeakable sorrow. Her smile was almost non-existent where she wore an emotionless mask as she catered to everyone's needs. Even her voice sounded thick with exhaustion as she moved from one injured to the next.

It was at one of these moments where she was returning to the front lines that Cullen was able to get a good look at her face. He slowly stretched his hand to her horse and covered her hands with his. To anyone from the front or from behind it would appear that the Commander was simply examining her horse.

"You can't keep going like this." he said softly. "You need to rest." She looked into his eyes and what he saw made him want to pull her to his horse and carry her in his arms the rest of the way to the castle. He wanted to release her tension and take away whatever heavy weight she was carrying on her shoulders. "Let me help you."

His eyes were full of compassion and worry and she wanted nothing more than to drown herself in his strong embrace and fall apart, but now would not be appropriate. She quickly unbuttoned the top button of her tunic and pulled out her good luck charm that was attached to a chain from around her neck. Her mind was too exhausted to know if his eyes darkened with either desire, longing or surprise when she pulled his coin from so close to her heart.

"At the moment my commander", she whispered as she kissed the coin and quickly buttoned it back safely under her tunic "You are giving me my strength, which is all the help I need." Cullen returned his hand to his own horse and marveled at the woman that was before him. He did not deserve such a treasure.

"When we do get back to Skyhold, come find me, for I am in most need of your counsel…" Her continence was about ready to break, he could tell, there were tears threating to fall and she was afraid that everyone would see.

He nodded in agreement as she rode to the front lines. She never had to sacrifice someone for the greater good. She ordered someone to their death knowingly. How should anyone have that kind of power? Did she make the right choice? Was there another way, a better way to save everyone? Everything was going so fast could there have been another option. Did she make the right decision? Never in her life had she been filled with such doubt. So many thoughts were racing through her mind and the heat of the travel was getting to her. They needed to get home and at this rate she felt it would take them a week.

When she made it to the front line, she turned her horse and faced her troops. They needed motivation.

"Commander Cullen!" came the strong voice of the inquisitor. "By your estimation, what is our arrival time to Skyhold?"

Cullen had to shake himself out of some sort of trance to look at the transformed lady before him. Gone was the exhausted woman of just a few moments, gone was the leader with a heavy heart. In its place was the driving force of the inquisition.

"At our current state, inquisitor, we would need to break camp this evening and arrive tomorrow afternoon. IF we can make haste we could possibly be there by nightfall." That was all the encouragement she need.

"Inquisition, she yelled. We have had a very long journey. Some of us lost close friends, some of us have lost family, and some of us even have lost lovers. Know that their sacrifice has not been in vein. Know that we have faced the enemy head on and have come out triumphant. Know that we will continue to do so again and again until we achieve our goal.

Commander Cullen believes we can get to Skyhold by nightfall. The promise of food, the promise of rest, and the promise honor the fallen must drive home. Let us make haste, not for us but for them.

"Scott Harding!," she said as the eager scout came forward, please ride forward to Skyhold, have Josephine make preparations for a hearty feast for all, and have Lilliana prepare a traditional Andrastian requiem to honor those who have fallen.

"For the inquisition!" she cried. "For the inquisition was the unanimous response." Her words rang through each heart and they believed in their inquisitor.

The inquisition motivated by Evelyn, reached their destination by late afternoon a full half a day ahead of Cullen's expectation, the feast was ready and all of skyhold was celebrating their return. The injured were taken to the healers, those weary of travelling headed to the feast, and those that needed to morn headed to the chapel.

Evelyn was just glad to be home.

"I have refreshments and a bath already awaiting you in your chambers, my lady" said Josephine with her customary clipboard in hand."

A heavy grateful groan came from her lips as she dismounted her horse and handed him to the sable boy to take to the stables. All the advisors began the climb of the never-ending staircase.

"You anticipate my every comfort Josephine…Thank you."

"Preparations are complete for the mourning ceremonies as well. There will be a constant vigil for the next three days and nights so all may pay their respects, as well as a plenty supply of food, compliments of the many farmers of Ferelden"

"The farmers of Ferelden?" the inquisitor asked with mild surprise. Josephine looked to Lilliana to explain.

"Has Queen Anora publically supported the Inquisition?" She exclaimed.

"Not exactly." stated Lilliana. "You see the seemingly dashing, horrible one-liner Alistair is widely known throughout Ferelden. While he never really had been given a proper surname most of the commoners refer to him simply as Alistair Theirin."

"Theirin…Theirin…"The inquisitor repeated the name as if recalling a distant memory. An image of her sitting with her mother memorizing Ferelden lineage in the court garden at a very young age invaded her thoughts.

"You mean as in King Maric Theirin, as in King Cailan Theirin late husband of Queen Anora." She asked.

"Apparently," Josephine added. "King Meric much like most royalty had a fondness for some of the maids of the castle, and a few short years after the Queen gave birth to Cailan, the serving maid gave birth to another son, a bastard son that was raised by the Arl of Redcliff named Alistair."

"A royal bastard. Now there is a surprise." scoffed Cullen from behind, not really interested in the gossip of royalty but still somewhat interested in why so many would willing donate such a large portion of their crop for support of a bastard child.

"That still doesn't explain their generosity." Evelyn stated, trying to sort all of this out plus still questioning her actions of her own quest. She really just wanted to head to her room and collapse.

Lilliana looked away not really wanting to revel previous companion's secrets but the inquisitor was going to need any ally that she could get. She also didn't want to add any additional stress to the commander.

"During the fifth blight Alistair, alongside the Hero of Ferelden, traveled extensively throughout the countryside befriending many to aid in the fight. They…." She paused. "We…needed the dwarves, the elves, and the nobility.

"And the circle mages." Came Cullen's very low voice. "I …I had…I had forgotten you were there." As Lilliana continued Cullen felt Evelyn place a hand of comfort on his lower back. He never realized that Alistair and Lilliana were the ones that had helped "_her" _defeat Uldred.

"Part of our quest included a landsmeet in Denirm to decide who will reign, because Alistair, as the only remaining true bloodline of King Maric, could have been King. He had support from his uncle, and the people would have followed him anywhere."

"It is rumored", said Josephine "That while some of the nobles were grateful for Alistair's forfeiting all of his claim on the crown, the people were not."

Lilliana continued. "When word reached them that he once again was taking up arms for them, and joining with the inquisition, tokens of support: fine food, wine, cloth and a large variety of cheeses, came flooding through the gates bearing honors in his name."

Evelyn tried to clear her head and think it through, maybe it was the long travel or the weariness of her own body but nothing seemed to fit.

"This doesn't make any sense, why would a man who had nothing, abandon the chance to have everything and rule the people he obviously cares so much about?" asked Inquisitor.

"The castle was never fully supplied with cheese!" answered a pained voice as Alistair staggered up the stairs with a crutch under his right arm, and a bandage around his shoulder holding his left. "Sorry to interrupt, I'm assuming you're talking about me, abandoning kindoms and the like, it's usually about me."

"Makers Breath Alistair!" Cried Lilliana, and she rushed to his side to help him move to a more comfortable chair near the fire place. "You should not be up and about." She scolded him. For a moment Lilliana was the same cheery chantry sister from ten year earlier. Even her traditional inquisitorial cowl neck slipped from her head revealing her long red hair as she fretted over Alistair's injury's and then gently pulled his head to look at her.

"I will not be the one to face Solona's wrath because you decided to injure yourself even further than you already have. Sit here and do not move unless someone helps you."

Alistair laughed with a saddened tone "You almost sounded like Wynne."

"Humph." Said Lilliana with a small smile in reverence for their long passed comrade. Lillianna fluffed the pillow behind his back and help prop his leg upon the table.

"Besides, Solona would never use her magic against you." Alistair said breathlessly as he tried to get comfortable when every fiber of his being screamed out in pain. "She likes your stories too much."

"She would be more paralyze you where you stood then continue to yell at you until you relent." said Cullen. He did not miss the fact that at the mention of the hero of Ferelden, Evelyn had removed her had from his back as if it were burned.

Alistair chuckled to himself, having been the victim more than once to paralyzing spells especially during mid rant if she felt that he wasn't paying attention. He looked at Cullen and saw for the first time that realization that he knew of his past infatuation to the mage. Being secretly a little jealous of the Templar who first captivated his love, he had remained silent wondering how long it would take him to remember that he was present during his very awkward confession in circle tower.

"You know her well Commander." said Alistair as he positioned himself as comfortably as he could with a broken leg and a broken arm and a battered body.

"Knew her." Came Cullen's simple somewhat sad reply.

There is a conversation that must happen between them at some point in the near future but at a much later time when both men were rested and ready for it thought Alistair. Right now he had to break the unspeakable tension that had arisen in the current company.

"To answer your question, my lady" he continued, "I do have everything. I have the love of a beautiful, heartfelt, wonderful, compassionate, and albeit sometimes scary woman. To even entertain the notion of being king, would have meant abandoning her."

His voice began to drip with dry sarcasm "Maker forbid we have an Arcane Queen who I don't know could protect and provide for her people and her king like no other. It's unthinkable."

Alistair started staring into the flames. Maker's Breath he missed her. "Having her as only mistress or advisor would do her no justice, and after everything she has done. What good is King when he's empty inside? Duty, honor, justice and responsibility can only take you so far. "

He gazed at the group and saw sympathy in their eyes and his gaze shifted to Cullen who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. "She means more to me that all the power and all the wealth in all of Theads. So yes we took a small piece selfishness for us, and gave Anora the crown, but that does not mean we abandoned the people. We take every opportunity to make sure that peace stays in Ferelden."

Alistair looked over at the silent dwarf staring off into the flames consumed by his own grief.

"I think I will stay right here for a while if you don't mind." He looked over across at Varric who made no acknowledgement of his presence. "What do you say Varric? You look like you could use some company."

"I don't know Your Majesty!" said the grief stricken dwarf. "I'm not good company right now. I'm only good for talking and drinking." Alistair reached his hand over and patted him on his shoulder. "If it helps my friend most of my body is broken so I'm only good for listening and drinking.

Varric gave a sad smirk "Then I guess we're as good of company as any. Thank you Your Majesty."

"Anytime." replied Alistair, as he began to listen to his tale of Hawk and her adventures.

Evelyn looked at Alistair as he comforted Varric, watched as he actually listened to what the dwarf had to say. Perhaps the Mage Rebellion would have gone differently if Alistair had been allowed his Queen, perhaps a lot of things would have been different.

"He would have made an excellent King." She said as she walked away. "Josephine, see that every gift gets a reply and later when Alistair is well see if he will add a note of thanks.

"As you wish inquisitor." said Josephine as she bowed her head and turned toward her office to begin her new task.

"Lilliana…make sure…"she paused again glancing over at the fire at Alistair and Varric. "Make sure they are both taken care of."

"Of course." She said and walked away hurrying to the tavern to get the one thing to relieve the pain that plagued both men.

Suddenly they were both alone, just Evelyn and Cullen, and the mass amount of people that usually occupied the throne room.

"Anything for me inquisitor." He said as he looked deep into her eyes. She looked tired and drained and full of so many different emotions."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," she said as she carefully placed her hands over his. She needed time alone with him, a good amount of time to talk or to cry or possibly both.

"Would you like to have dinner with me in my chambers this evening? I am afraid I am not fit for company right now but I desperately need your comfort and your counsel." She looked at the floor fearing his answer. Hoping that all of the talk about the circle and the ever infamous hero had not given him cause to regret her, or the moments they had shared.

Cullen brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face and put it behind her ear, he then leaned forward and ever so quickly whispered in her ear. "It would both be an honor and a privilege, my lady."

Cullen gave her a formal bow and then headed off toward his own his tower to rest and get ready for the evening.

Evelyn let out the breath she didn't realize that she was holding and headed up to her chambers to indulge in all the comforts Josephine had provided.


End file.
